Paul Foot
Comic genius Paul Foot answers some daft Harry Pye questions for Le Document …
Le Document: Were there any ages you dreaded hitting?
Paul Foot: 11, 17, 23, 29 and 71, since these are all prime numbers and hence difficult to divide in phrases like: “If I were half my age, I'd ask her out" and "I'm not half the man I used to feel when I was a seventh as old as I am now.”
LD: At what age were you most confident about your looks?
PF: Any age divisible by two, e.g. 26, since these can easily be used in
sentences like: “I'm twice as old as I was then - and twice as confident!”
LD: What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?
PF: The common link is wind instruments, i.e. peace pipe, love trumpet and understanding horn.
LD: Which do you know more about Pirates or dancing?
PF: I am knowledgeable about both. I am a fully trained pirate, which includes fluency in the dancing of reels - used to counteract sea sickness and seduce mermaids.
LD: Where is the love?
PF: Stuttgart.
LD: How much time have you got for Albert Camus?
PF: I have five minutes available for this man. I have a small window on 22 June at 4.03pm till 4.08pm. Apart from that, I have no time for this man whatsoever and if he called at my front door I would not open the door and, if I did open it, it would be on the chain and if he got shirty with me I would not hesitate to fire a harpoon into his face in order to protect my property and family.
LD: When are you more nervous a) on stage b) on Television c) giving a guided tour of HMS Belfast d) queuing up at a supermarket
PF: I am most nervous at the supermarket because that is the time when I am most likely to spontaneously combust.*
* Proven by scientists.
LD: Are you more romantic on Feb. 14th that at any other time of the year?
PF: February 15th is my most romantic day of the year, because I'm currently having an affair with the Managing Director of a greetings card company. We spend 15th February in bed, counting the profits from the recently passed highly commercialised event and eagerly awaiting Mothering Sunday.”
Buy Ticket's for Paul's Edinburgh show here: Edinburgh Fringe Festival – Tickets
